Something shifted that day, though I couldn’t put it into words. A speaker said something I’d never heard before. He admitted weakness to a crowd.

Without knowing it, he offered me an invitation, but I couldn’t accept. I was afraid. 

As long as I remember, I’ve yearned for approval. I knew the pain of rejection and was determined to protect myself. I pushed my flaws into the shadows and showed my polished side, hoping I would shine. 

While I found a sort of security, I also found hollowness. By not showing my true self, I could never receive the thing I truly wanted – acceptance. How could I be accepted as I am if I was hiding part of myself? How could I flourish if I couldn’t accept myself? I wrestled with fear and longing. Fear that someone would see my flaws and longing to become all I’m meant to be. 

Fear is a selfish friend. It took more of me than I offered and I saw myself as a shadow of who I wanted to be. Can a shadow offer inspiration, or a shoulder to cry on? Fear didn’t stop me, though, from remembering the speaker’s invitation, and influence from others along the way.

There’s a storyteller, Brené Brown, who writes of her own weakness and teaches the power in it. Sharing our vulnerability, she says, is what brings us together. It seems counter-intuitive, but when I heard it, it rang true, and the more I try, the more I believe. 

So I’m learning to let go of the idea that if I please those around me, I will be safe. Instead, I’m looking for safe people to share with and am being rewarded with deeper friendships, deeper acceptance.

Just as the speaker offered me an invitation, I offer one to you. I invite you to join me in my New Year’s resolution. It’s not about achievement, not about what others see, but something deeper, closer to the soul. Armed with courage, supportive friends, and Brené Brown’s writing, I resolve to live my life, not hiding, but actively accepting myself as I am: flaws, fears, and failures included, and challenging myself to show up, each day, as me.

www.brenebrown.com