I confess, I’ve been nervous about sharing this post.

So nervous it took me months to finish. I fear disappointing people and didn’t know if Brian’s dad would be comfortable with me sharing my own disappointment. Thanks Dad J for sitting with me, answering my questions, and freeing me to share from my heart. 

Within our first year in China my parents, brother, and sister came to visit.

I showed them around our city by designing our own Amazing Race and introduced them to exotic foods by hosting our own Fear Factor – where the more adventurous of us tasted sandworms, intestine, and tortoise shell jelly. Showing them my new apartment, my new life, made it feel like home.

I wanted the same for Brian. 

This was years ago and the hopefulness of youth made me believe that, although we’d left our families, no obstacle would stand in the way of us being together. But one year went by, then another, and still Dad J didn’t visit. I was grieved Brian didn’t get the experience of introducing his dad to his new world. 

I tried to understand. Flights were pricy, travelling internationally was intimidating.

If he wouldn’t come, we would go. By this time my youngest was five, and Dad J had seen her only twice.

This trip, I figured, was the perfect solution. The kids and I would fly ahead of Brian so we could spend several months there. Our kids could even do a term of school in Canada. The big disadvantage was that we would be separated from Brian for a time, but it would be worth it, we thought, for the kids to connect with grandparents. 

Still, this wouldn’t meet my yearning for Brian’s family to see us in our new home and see our kids in the element in which they thrive.

In China, they can go to the store and pay without having to double check the money. (If you’ve travelled to a foreign country you know that feeling of looking from the coins in your hand, to the cashier, hoping you’re calculating right.) Ironically, it’s here our kids are daily called foreigners, but it’s in Canada they fight to find their way. 

I thought our extended time in Canada might change that. It was nearly time to book tickets and I was excited – I was going to get to connect my kids with their roots. They were going to have considerable time with their grandparents. 

But something else arose – you know when an opportunity is just right? This one was, but it meant a move to another province. Soon, instead of flying back home, we were flying to this new place, to look for a new home. There was no way we could take a trip to Canada in the midst of such transition. 

As we delayed our trip, I wondered when we would see Brian’s family again. Then Brian’s dad surprised us all – he braved an international trip, but not to see us.

Did he know how much we wanted him to come?

When we finally made it back to Canada, we made sure he knew. We grilled him on the details of his trip, trying to prove that, if he could go to Romania, he could come to China. Yet we left Canada doubting he would come. 

It wasn’t until last year around this time, when Brian’s dad started planning his next trip to Romania, that Brian said, “You should add a flight and come see us on your way.”

At first we didn’t know if he would consider it, but when he started calling weekly and conversations grew from a potential visit to workable dates, our hopes soared.  

Acknowledgements: At the beginning of this post I thanked Dad J for sharing with me. As often happens, when I asked questions, I learned something. In this case I learned that dad’s flights to Romania were covered by an organization he’s involved in. This helped immensely. Now not only am I glad I pushed through fear so I could share this with you, my understanding of the situation became clearer and I was able to let go of disappointment. 

So thanks again dad, for answering my questions. But the biggest thanks of all, is for finally coming to visit. You made our year!

photo by Ladyheart