“Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill
It wasn’t until I’d been in China a few years and collected a suitcase full of adventures that I longed to return to school. (My desire to see the world had trumped sitting through four years of college.) I considered resuming my study of linguistics but why pay thousands of dollars when I could step out my front door and practice a foreign language. Art, I thought, but why pay someone to teach me what I was teaching myself.
“What about writing?” a friend said, tearing the cover off a childhood dream buried deep. “You’re a good writer.” I had an unspoken longing to transform my experiences into art. Could writing help? Unsure, I registered for an apprenticeship and delved into the world of writing.
“I’d love to read your work,” friends later said.
“Oh, I don’t have anything worth reading yet.” I was a closet writer, enjoying the process but unable to share. I was afraid I would fail. It happened before. I started a blog when we first left for China, on a friend’s suggestion. That was before I knew functioning in a new environment and learning a new language, with two young children, would require all I had.
Plus our internet speeds made dial-up seem attractive. I could rarely log onto my blog so I dropped it. Problem was, I disappointed people. When I considered another blog, years later, fear of failure froze me.
The desire wouldn’t go away so I funnelled my creative energy into attempting to write short stories. The results were flat. Despite disappointing attempts I kept writing. I mentioned the nagging idea of another blog to Brian, not once, but repeatedly. He graciously encouraged me every time. But I couldn’t start.
Months later we travelled to Canada. At our first stop I looked out the window of a cottage. Snow dusted mountains framed a lake. Eagles pierced its waters as they swooped for fish. “If I lived here I would be an artist and writer.” I surprised myself with my declaration. Brimming with inspiration I wrote and shared my first Bamboo Sketch.
The View That Inspired Me
I kept writing and sharing. It was easy. The places we visited were amazing, the people great. My blog was off to a strong start. I returned home excited to share my life in China with friends in Canada. But I was soon haunted by questions. Would people understand who I had changed into through years of living abroad? Would they like what they saw? I didn’t know. I cranked out a few posts but soon saw my blog as a skydiver with a malfunctioning parachute.
“I’m afraid to open up.”
“That’s what writing is, making yourself vulnerable,” a friend said. She went a step further. “I could read your posts before you share them.” And she did. Her responses, peppered with encouragement, bolstered my confidence. I kept going and I’m glad. I now find fulfillment not only in the writing process but also in gaining and sharing insight as I write.
That first post From That View To This View tells of the change brought by a flight half way across the world. It now also represents my changed view, from clinging to who I am, afraid to share, to accepting that I will, at times, fall short – but I do have something to offer.
Charity, your posts just keep getting better! This is my favorite yet! Love the parachute analogy so much! And wow, I see why that view was inspiring! Truly enjoyed this post and your new site is beautiful!
Thanks, Pearl, for your overflowing encouragement!
Way to go, Charity! I loved this post. You wrote from the depth of yourself. And just like Pearl said, you keep getting better and better. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your heart.
Thanks Melissa. This was the hardest one to share so your encouragement goes deep.
I love this, love the way your writing is changing and your heart is coming through strong! Blessings!
Thanks for joining me on this writing journey Cynthia.
I’d have to agree with the others. I so enjoyed reading this one, Charity. It encourages me to keep going with my own desire to write. I also wanted to start a blog years ago, when I moved overseas … and like you I was overwhelmed by all the changes that it was all I could do to survive.
Oh yeah, in case I haven’t told you — love your new home page. 🙂
I enjoyed your reply Hulda. It’s great to connect over shared experiences. So glad we are both writing now.
I still can’t get your posts in my inbox, so I had a Charity Lee Jennings marathon this morning as I’m holed up here with the flu. Hope you don’t mind the influx of belated comments.
I so understand what you mean. I also tremble to hit “publish” each time because it’s so scary laying my heart open for people who may or may not like what they read. I also struggle with fear of being sporadic. Praise God I’ve been full of words lately, but I don’t take it for granted!
Keep writing and drawing!
Thanks for sharing your heart Rebekah. I’ve had a number of positive comments on this post and it reminds me that people identify with our vulnerability. Keep writing! And I love all of your comments, just hope you get over the flu.
You may want to try to sign up for my e-mails again, as this is a new site. Or if you send me your e-mail address I can send you an invite.