“Were those gunshots?” I said as I jolted awake. 3:27 a.m.

“No,” Brian answered, sounding alert with jet lag. He drifted back to sleep but I couldn’t shake the sound. One bang, a pause and then five more consecutive bangs. The shots echoed in my head. I told myself to go back to sleep but my mind raced to piece together what had happened. Had one man fired and then another shot back? Was someone lying on the ground dead and I had just heard it happen?

After a fitful sleep I rose late in the morning to find out that there were police down the street.

“I thought I heard gunshots in the night but it wouldn’t be, would it?” Brian couldn’t remember our conversation in the night. But he had reassured me, the day before, that crime in Surrey, BC, where we are staying, was much lower than in the past. Plus, it didn’t fit my experience of Canada so I convinced myself that it was unrelated, that I had only heard a car backfiring. That way I could take my kids to the park and feel that they were safe. I could continue to revel in our return to Canada.

On our first day back, we had planned to walk to the park but didn’t make it that far. My kids were so excited to run across lush grass (a big no-no in China) they embraced the first open space we found, kicking the ball with smiles spread wide across their faces. We were impressed by the spaciousness of Canada, the openness and the green. It is so nice to be surrounded by towering trees instead of buildings – “Look how tall the trees are,” one of my kids said in awe. And walking in the park with people who greet with a friendly hello, rather than a surprised stare – “The people are nice here. I just had a conversation with someone and it seems like they are already my friend,” said another one of my children.

We knew it was coming this time, that in our first few days Canada would seem like heaven. The air is so clean, the surroundings so beautiful and the food so tasty. We could see only the good, only what we were missing out on, and wonder how we could have ever left.

I started wondering what life would have been like if we had stayed: What would my kids be like? Sitting at the playground at Mill Lake, in Abbotsford, only a few blocks from where we lived when Bamboo Shoot was a baby, I watched my kids play. I grieved that I hadn’t been able to take them to the playground or the waterpark when they were growing up. I was even excited to take Cherry Blossom to the public bathroom at the park – that felt like a treat. Kids in China often just ‘go’ outside.

My kids don’t get to enjoy these simple pleasures. Even now, at age twelve and thirteen, my boys were racing for the swings, to enjoy a childhood experience they haven’t had. After a long swing, they both piled on one end of the teeter-totter and begged me to go on the other. Up and down we went, laughing together.

When we first come back to Canada the things we have missed out on are so glaring. We imagine ourselves living here and think that each day would be just wonderful. Canada feels like a mysterious, exotic place – overflowing with exciting experiences. We see only the surface, all the good it has to offer.

It’s much like people who come to China and are amazed by what they see and, bubbling with enthusiasm, tell us about all that is commonplace to us. We appreciate those people because they remind us that being in China is special.

It is so easy for any of us to forget the gifts in our own lives, to look at some other circumstance, at someone else’s house, job, childhood, or family and feel like that person has it better. It is much more challenging to be content with what we have.

After a few short days of awe toward Canada, I was shocked back to reality. That was when I found out that the sounds I heard in the wee hours of the morning really were gunshots, and they were fired only 280 meters from where we are staying. Canada is not the heavenly place that it first appeared to be.

Every place has its challenges and its privileges. By moving to China, we have given things up and I will take the time to grieve those things, but we have also gained much. We have learned a new language and our understanding of people and cultures has grown.

Our kids have learned to buy food in a Chinese wet market and navigate their way through an international airport. Now I have the opportunity to teach them how to use Canadian money and how to make friends in Canada. We are helping them get acquainted with our home country, just like we help newcomers to China.

We are excited to be in Canada, we have missed it and the reality is, by going to China we have missed out on experiences here. After a rainy spring here in Surrey, the grass really is greener and there is a lot more of it but I’m trying to broaden my view. As we enjoy the wonder of our visit, I strive to appreciate all of our experiences, the privileges mixed in with the challenges, both here and there.

No matter what life situation you are in, I hope you can do the same.